pexels-andrea-piacquadio-3807730 (1)

Why You Shouldn’t Blame Yourself After Miscarriage

Miscarriage is common, yet it’s something that’s often not spoken about. As a result, many women may feel isolated and alone after a miscarriage, blaming themselves or their body for what happened.

However miscarriages occur in up to 20% of known pregnancies and while it can be a devastating experience, it is also one that many women go through. There are some resources available to help women cope with their emotions after a miscarriage. With time and support, you will be able to work through your grief and move on.

Blaming Yourself

There is no evidence that miscarriages can be caused by everyday activities, such as work, exercise or having sex. Most miscarriages occur because the fetus isn’t developing as expected. There are a variety of miscarriage causes, which you can learn more about here.

While there are things you can do to reduce your risk of miscarrying – such as avoiding alcohol and smoking – there is nothing you can do to guarantee a healthy pregnancy. Even with this in mind, some women worry if they are somehow to blame for the miscarriage.

Sadly, most of the time, there is nothing that could have been done to prevent a miscarriage. Coming to terms with this is difficult. Wearing the grief of miscarriage is challenging, and something that can be supported by having a safe, non-judgemental place to talk about your experiences.

At Happy Minds Psychology we can help you hold space for your loss and plan for the future, including thinking about what your fertility goals are.

Extreme Emotions

Experiencing a miscarriage can be an emotionally and physically difficult time for a woman. In the weeks after miscarrying, it is common for women to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, guilt and self-blame. 

These feelings are often compounded by the physical changes that occur as the body adjusts to no longer being pregnant. Hormone levels change sharply, which can lead to fatigue, mood swings and changes in appetite. Some women also experience heavier or more irregular periods. 

While adjustment after a miscarriage can be difficult, it is important to remember that it is a common experience and that there is support available. Talking to a therapist can help you to process your emotions and develop a plan for moving forward.

Your Partner May Be Struggling Too

For couples who have experienced miscarrying or stillbirth, it can be a time where they tend to lean on each other for support. However, it’s important to understand that everyone grieves differently. One person may want to talk about their feelings openly, while the other may prefer to keep them bottled up. 

It’s also not uncommon for couples to react differently to the loss itself. One person may be more emotional, while the other may seem more distant. It’s important to try not to take these differences personally. Instead, do your best to talk openly and honestly about how you’re feeling and encourage your partner to do the same. Remember, you’re both going through a difficult time and if you feel like you need to reach out for support you need to support, we are here to help.

Professional Miscarriage Support Can Help

Remember that the vast majority of women who have suffered miscarriage go on to have normal pregnancies and births in the future. 

However while processing your emotions will inevitably take time, and there are no set timeframes, it’s worthwhile noting that professional miscarriage support can help you to come to terms with what’s happened, with much more ease so that you can focus on the future.

Our psychologists can reframe your experiences and help you to trust your body, once again. 
Happy Minds Psychology in Geelong and the Bellarine are a clinic dedicated to women’s mental health through supporting and empowering you to tackle life’s challenges together. If you’re looking for support through miscarriage, please do not hesitate to reach out to us.

Share this post